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Some people just have a way with words, and
other people … oh … not have way .
Steve Martin
More: Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Gore Vidal on The Four Most Beautiful Words
The four most beautiful words in our
common language: I told you so.
Gore Vidal
More: Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Bonnie McFarlane on The Toughest Language…
I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin;
I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure if I ever
went there, I could get by.
Bonnie McFarlane
More: Funny Quotes , One-Liners , Travel Jokes
Steven Wright on Language Tapes
I bought one of those tapes to teach you
Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the
tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in
Spanish.
Steven Wright
More: Daily Life Jokes , Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Tom Parry on Folk Wisdom
Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Blue sky
at night, day.
Humorist Tom Parry
More: Corny Jokes , Funny Quotes , One-Liners ,
Weather Jokes
A Businessman On Perfection…
The closest a person ever comes to perfection
is when he fills out a job application form.
Businessman Stanley Randall
More: Funny Quotes , Office Jokes , One-Liners
The Smell of Confusion
If people say they just love the smell of books,
I always want to pull them aside and ask, To
be clear, do you know how reading works?
@bridger_w (Bridger Winegar)
More: Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Reading The Fifth
I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every
sentence starts out with: “I heard from this
guy who told somebody …”
Demetri Martin
More: Corny Jokes , Daily Life Jokes , Funny Quotes ,
One-Liners
Couch Potatoes, Take Heart
You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the
fireplace.
@longwall26
More: Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Jay Leno on Pet Scams
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video
that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.
Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for
the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Jay Leno
More: Animal Jokes, Dog Jokes , Dumb and Funny
Jokes , Funny Quotes , One-Liners
Rita Rudner on The Perks of Dog Ownership
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of
little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper,
and you get more feet.
Rita Rudner
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